On the Path: A three-part process for handling life's challenges

Be your own best friend and rescuer (when rescue is needed).

How resilient are you? How do you handle life’s obstacles? What do you use to get yourself back on track when life throws you a curve-ball?

Over the past 5 years, I’ve developed my own strategy for handling my own inner upsets. This didn’t come easily or quickly, as when my “big year” occurred in 2019 (this was the year that I was gifted the opportunity to deal with regular, recurring panic attacks, anxiety, and fear), I was completely unprepared, as this sort of thing had never occurred in my life.

And while I had the training to understand what was happening to me from the work I had done to get my masters in spiritual psychology, knowing what something is, and having it happen to you live and in person are two completely different things.

I was desperate to get out of this state, and yet nothing I did worked for what seemed like forever. The pain I was in had NOTHING to do with the events of life, and had everything to do with how I was RELATING to myself and the events of life.

Gradually the fear and anxiety lessened their grips.

People ask me often about what I did… or what I do now when something similar happens (thankfully to a lesser degree).

So today I thought I’d share the three parts of my process… as I was reminded of it recently with something occurred that caused me to question myself, and my capacity as a coach, father, and husband.

I look at things like this now as ‘opportunities’ as opposed to things to avoid and move away from. Not because they are comfortable, or because I look forward to them happening, but because each time I undergo this process, I get to practice being there for myself, removing some of the old programming, and becoming a bit stronger and more resilient.

Below are the three parts of my process. They are in no particular order, as each one, in and of itself will have an impact and will make a difference. Remember, these steps have nothing to do with the actual life events you are experiencing as challenging. They will resolve themselves over time, or not. They are not the real problem. What is? The anxiety, worry, fear, doubt, etc that looks and feels like it is coming from these outside events, when actually, it is caused by the way you are relating to the events and the way you are relating to yourself. So whether you’ve resolved the situation or it continues to be ongoing, these steps will be very helpful.

1. Don’t fight the feeling… accept it, face it, be with it. The more resisting, struggling, fighting, and trying to get it to go away you do, the more you reinforce to your nervous system that the thing that is causing your pain is real. It’s NOT. A tiger chasing you is real. A person attacking you in a parking garage is real. Anxiety, worry, fear, and doubt are creations of the mind. Your mind wants you to THINK they are real… and when we do, we activate the sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, or freeze), causing us to feel the same things we would if we were running from an attacker, but there is actually nothing there. So when you fight against it, run from it, or freeze because of it, you accidentally reinforce to your system that it is real, and it should continue to be vigilant and activated.
   

2. Question your thinking. Have you ever considered that you are not your thoughts? Or how about this - that you don’t have to believe your thoughts? When you believe your thoughts and take them as real, then they are running the show. When you think of a situation as bad, when you think you’ve made a costly mistake, when you think you should have done something else, when you think your future is in jeopardy… your thoughts are troubled, and they will then create emotions of doubt, worry, fear, and anxiety. And guess what those emotions do? They cause more dreadful thinking. It’s an infinite loop, like looking into a mirrors that are set up opposite each other. So how do you stop that? Take one of the mirrors away… and the best way to do that is to question your thinking… Because, what if the thing that you’re thinking just isn’t true? (I’ve got news for you… usually it’s not!)
   

3. Lean in to your morning routine. In writing this, I assume you HAVE a morning routine. If you don’t, creating one and sticking to it is one of the best, self-loving, and self-honoring practices you can do for yourself. Knowing that it is there and something you can count on yourself doing each morning is something that develops self-discipline, self-trust, and self-confidence. It is something that you get to do that allows you practice showing up for yourself and being in integrity with YOU.
   
   It doesn’t have to be long or hard to be worth-while, and the elements it contains should fulfill YOU, so there are no rules as to what should go in it. Mine consists of drinking my green drink mixed in with about 32 oz of water, a walk/run (usually with my dogs), meditation, cold plunge, a core/mobility warm up, and journaling. I can get through it in 45 minutes, and it can take as long as a couple hours. Yours can contain anything you want it to… some ideas in addition to the ones above: prayer, reading, sending a note of appreciation to someone, yoga, taking a walk in nature, etc. It should be short enough that you KNOW you can do it, and are willing to each day.
   
   Oh - and one other thing about it… I like to do it EARLY… so that I begin (and sometimes even finish) before everyone else is awake, usually before sunrise. That ensures that I get through it fully without the day getting ahead of me.

If you’re struggling with anxiety, worry, fear, or doubt, I hope that the process I’ve laid out is helpful to you. If you have any questions about it, leave a comment. And, of course, if you’re struggling with something that you’d like to talk about, never hesitate to reach out!

With Loving -

Andy

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