Why Small Things Trigger Big Reactions
It usually isn’t about the moment at all
Most people think their reactions are about what just happened.
They’re not.
When a small comment, a tone shift, or a reminder hits harder than it should, that’s usually because the reaction is bigger than the moment.
That’s the clue.
If the reaction feels outsized, it didn’t start there.
What I see over and over again — in my own life and in the coaching work I do — is that every trigger follows the same basic pattern:
Something happens.
Meaning gets assigned.
And a mask you’ve been wearing gets threatened.
We don’t actually react to what happens.
We react to what we make it mean.
Feedback can suddenly mean I did it wrong. I’m not enough.
Silence can mean I don’t matter. I don’t belong.
Uncertainty can mean I’m not safe.
Then the reaction comes — tight chest, spinning mind, defensiveness — and we judge ourselves for it.
The other piece people miss is the mask.
When we’re young, something happens and we draw a conclusion about ourselves.
And we build a way of being to protect ourselves from ever feeling that again.
Achievement.
Control.
Being needed.
That mask isn’t fake.
It worked.
The problem is that triggers cut underneath it. They go straight to the pain the mask was designed to protect you from feeling.
Triggers aren’t something to fix.
They’re something to see.
And when you see them clearly, something starts to soften.
I recorded a longer video walking through this in more detail here:
➡️ 🎥 Why Small Things Trigger Big Reactions
— Andy
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