The Illusion of Control—Your Secret Thief of Joy
What you’re trying to control is exactly what’s keeping you stuck
I used to believe I could control every outcome.
If I set an intention or goal—and applied enough hard work, dedication, discipline, and attention—I could achieve it.
And it worked. Mostly… for a while.
Sure, there were little chinks in the armor along the way:
Like when I failed to finish any of the four expedition-length (400+ mile) adventure races I started with a complete team.
Or the time an internal hemorrhoid (that required surgery) took me out of competing with my team in the 2011 CrossFit Games.
Or when I thought that wooing my long-ago girlfriend with a one-day romantic trip to Lake Tahoe to propose marriage was the magic sauce for the start of our life together. (She said yes, but it was the beginning of the end—the start of a super difficult six months. And no, we never got married.)
But in 2019, the wheels came completely off.
The sudden and unexpected drop in participation in the Whole Life Challenge—and with it, the revenue and value of my company—shook me to my core.
My desire for control wasn’t just about having a tidy calendar or bulletproof plans.
I had a deeper belief:
If I prove, achieve, manage, and control enough, I’ll be accepted. I’ll be safe. I’ll finally be enough.
But here’s what actually happened.
Proving, achieving, and controlling didn’t bring freedom.
They brought friction. Anxiety. Exhaustion.
I believed that the proof I was looking for could be found in the outcomes I produced. So I kept judging myself based on the most recent accomplishment, win, or result.
Because the world has a way of reminding us that we’re not in charge.
It did for me, personally, with my business. But think about the other ways that are more universal...
In nature—earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, floods, tornadoes, fires… oh yeah, we’re not in charge at all.
And in the past few years?
Markets shifted. Teams changed. Relationships surprised us. Politics—whew. Health threw curveballs.
And no amount of planning or strategizing made us immune to it.
✨ See, the tighter you grasp, the less you actually hold.
Because the only realm where true inner influence lies—and where peace lives—is in your response to life.
The issue is never the issue. If you’re upset and can finish the sentence, “I’m upset because…” with something outside of you, that’s a clue. The real problem isn’t the person or circumstance—it’s how you’re managing yourself in relation to it. That’s shaped by the meaning you give it, your attachment to that meaning, and your ability to stay present, composed, and compassionate in the face of upset and uncertainty.
Let me explain:
• Control = Illusion.
Life and business are unpredictable. When we try to manage what can’t be managed, we end up frustrated and depleted.
• The emotional cost.
When the illusion of control slips through our fingers, we don’t just lose our grip on outcomes—we lose our peace.
• The mental trap.
The more we focus on controlling everything out there, the less capacity we have to focus on what we can shape: our inner state, our values, our integrity.
So what’s the pathway forward?
➡️ Master your influence, not the outcome.
You can’t control how your team shows up, but you can lead by example with integrity and compassion.
You can’t control the market, but you can align your actions with your values.
You can’t control uncertainty, but you can choose curiosity over fear.
➡️ Reclaim your joy.
When you let go of trying to control the world, you create the space to start mastering yourself.
That’s where true strength lives—and where joy, happiness, and fulfillment begin.
Remember… while it might feel like giving up—it isn’t.
It’s stepping into a deeper form of mastery: knowing where your lane ends, and where true freedom begins.
If you feel the tension of trying to control everything… good. That tension is your inner wisdom asking you to let go.
More soon,
—Andy
P.S. If this resonated, hit reply, or leave a comment. I read everything. And if you’re ready to make a shift in how you relate to life, change, transition, or control, schedule a short connect call with me.